Unraveling MS

Extreme Fatigue

2011-11-20T01:03:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling extremely tired for the past few months. I haven't had a housekeeper since beginning of September so more then two months and a half. This happened to me before about two years ago. My old housekeeper left and It took a long time for the replacement to come. I remember how hard it was for me then as well. I wake up everyday with pain in the soles of my feet and heels. I drag myself out of bed get the lunch boxes ready send off the kids to school and tidy the house as much as I can. I miss having more energy to do more things.

I think about energy a lot lately. I want to do so much to increase it. I am trying to eat well, but it's hard to enjoy eating when you are always doing things in the house for the kids and homework and baths and reading. Kids are also hard to handle when you are tired. I pray I will be a better mother. Have more patience. But it's so hard when you are facing physical challenges and no one really understands what you are going through. My comfort is that God does. He knows exactly how I am feeling, therefore I leave it to you God.

I have so many things I want to accomplish but so little energy. I will probably be getting a new housekeeper at the beginning of 2012. I pray she will be good and that 2012 will be my best year yet! As I sit here on the computer I feel every joint and muscle in my body ache. I know this feeling will not last and that maybe in the next hour or so I will feel better. It's like that for me. I go through different energy levels throughout the day. One hour I feel useless with absolutely no energy and the next I feel a bit better. I know this is all because I don't get enough sleep and rest. I don’t need more than 8 hours of sleep a night, but what I do need is non interrupted sleep. My daughter God bless her usually wakes me up once in the night.

Last night I worked until 10:30 on my business even though i really shouldn’t' have. I keep telling myself I wont work on anything after 8 to give my mind peace and rest before I sleep, but there is so much work to be done and I really want our business to be a success. I want to have a steady income from my own business. In today’s turbulent market I feel this is what will secure my future. With the will of God, all my fatigue and daily physically challenges will all pay off.

Still Incredibly Happy to be off Drugs

2011-07-01T21:11:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last updated my blog. Life is good thanks to God. I'm currently on vacation. I had a very challenging time before I came home to visit my parents. My daughter had to do an operation to remove her tonsils. My housekeeper left and I had to look for a replacement. I feel so much pressure when i have a lot of events hit at once. Now I feel fantastic. I'm eating well, sleeping well, life is good. I always feel so wonderful when I enter my parents house. It's comfort, joy, peace of mind. My kids are also having a great time. I enrolled them in a summer camp which is keeping them busy.

I'm going to update my website pages today and add Dr. Mercola's website. I've been reading his updates for the past few months and I just love the information he brings. Really by far the best Natural Health Newsletter I've ever received.

I am waiting to hear fromt the client for a poject for my business. I'm still very hopeful. I believe it will be a huge success with the will of God.

Not Sleeping Well

2011-02-02T16:17:00.000-08:00

Well my mood has been normal, and not much to complain about except I have not been sleeping well for the past few days maybe two weeks. Just don't sleep deeply and wake up during the night. It get's me a bit worried about my health. Due to the lack of sleep, i only went to the gym once this week, which i'm not to happy about. With the will of God my body will snap back and I will be able to get deep sleep soon.

Vacation Update

2011-01-04T20:51:00.000-08:00

So I came back from a vacation which I enjoyed tremendously. My body coped well with the strain of lots of walking and long air flights plus taking care of the kids. I still took my vitamins and ate as healthy as I could.

I experienced so many new things which let me get out of my box for a while, which was really amazing. We live so long in our routines that we forget the wonders of this amazing world.

I also did things that I normally would be scared to do. I have a fear of hights, yet I went on a very high cable car which had different stops up the mountains. I was quite nervous and holding tightly on to the kids, but I managed and was very happy I experienced it. I realized how much fear I have and how little fear most everyone around me had. I also realized I have more fear after I had children. I am afraid for them which heighten my fear.

There was this one man who was on stretchers who I admired tremendously. He went all the way up then walked on steep stairs that went around the mountain to a suspended bridge and it was a challenge for me without stretchers. I love it when I see people who are determined to experience things no matter what challenge they are facing. I pray I will be less afraid.

Feeling Great

2010-12-12T10:12:00.000-08:00

Thanks to God, I am feeling great. I wake up early, I sleep deeply and I have good energy. I am accomplishing more then usual and I'm just feeling mentally and physically alive. I also have been going to exercise classes a lot more which definitely makes me feel stronger. Exercise is probably what is making me feel stronger. I would like to stick to at least 3 times a week going to my classes and I am happy. I am doing body balance, yoga, body pump and pilates. Body pump is great because i use weights, body balance, yoga and pilots i am using my own body for strength. I pray my business will also take off. Still have a lot of work to get it going, but I am hopeful.

Good News

2010-11-11T21:54:00.000-08:00

So I went to the doctor yesterday to follow up on the blood tests and MRI that i did. It has been six months since I stopped taking the medication and I was a bit nervous. Are there going to be new lesions? Will I have to go back on the medication? I had felt a bit of tingling in my head and I also had headaches recently but i was also very tired because of other life situations i was going through. So, these were the thoughts i had. I have been so happy not having to take the injections and I didn't feel depressed at times like I did when I was on the medication.

Thankfully when the doctor opened up my reports he told me that all was great! No new lesions and the old ones have had no significant change. My blood tests were also all good. I am very relieved and happy and I want to remain commited to my health. With the will of God, I will remain strong and sturdy without the medication. I still want to commit more to doing more excersize and of course stick to taking my vitamins.

Update

2010-10-03T19:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't been sleeping very deeply lately and I am feeling more tired then usual. I want to go to the doctor today and do complete blood work. I won't be doing my next MRI until November. By then it would have been six months since I took my last injection. I hope things would have either remained the same or improved.

Feeling Fantasic

2010-06-27T05:27:00.000-07:00

I'm on vacation now visiting my family and I've started taking Pilates classes. I go three times a week and use pilates machines, first the reformer and now the cadilac. Pilates is proving to be the best work out i've done yet. It tones, trims and elongates the body, work on inner body balance, it is a holistic type of workout. I am feeling strong and healthy. With the will of God, I will keep to exercising at least three times a week.

Excited About LIfe

2010-06-13T20:42:00.002-07:00

So I went to see the doctor I talked about and it was a great visit. He was very supportive of my need to stop taking the drugs and he said he doesn't recommend staying on these drugs for longer then a year and half anyway because our bodes build resistance to them. He reviewed my last two MRI's saying that things remained the same and stable and I should come back to him in six months to do my next MRI to see how I am doing off the drugs. The last MRI I did was a year ago.

I haven't seen this doctor for 2 and a half years. He was my original doctor, but after I had my last big relapse two and half years ago, I had gone to another doctor for another opinion and he suggested I start a medication. Something I didn't necessarily want to do but I was too weak hearted and scared so I gave in and started the drug therapy. Despite the fact that I don't think medication is the answer for MS, I am happy I experienced MS taking the meds. It has made me more commited to my health. I eat better then ever, I am commited to taking my vitamins and I have started excersizing again.

The hardship of having to commit to first giving myself injections 3 times a week on Rebif was the most challenging time of the disease. The side effects took away any energy that I had and took away from the quality of my life. When I finally said I enough, the doctor asked me to try Avonex which would have fewer side effects and only be injected once a week. So I went on Avonex for the next 18 months. The side effects were much less and more tolerable. I only felt body weakeness the day of the injection and it did not last long. However, I do feel these drugs increased my anxiety and temperament.

Now that I am drug free I'm so excited about life! Now I know if I lose my temper with my kids it is because of my own weakness and not from any negative influence form a drug! I am committed more then ever to myself. The holistic aproach will be my medication. I will cleanse my thoughts by listening to James Allen on a daily basis, my spirit by praying, my body by eating great foods and excersizing. With the will of God, I will purify my character more each day and enjoy life knowing that I am relying on myself not a drug for my health.

Making Decisions

2010-05-29T22:26:00.000-07:00

I have finally made the decision to stop medication. May 20th was my last injection. Two days before my 31st birthday. I have been feeling tingling in my arms and legs on and off for the past week or so but I have had that while on the medication so I am not worried. I feel strong and positive and ready to take on the world. I take my vitamins on a regular basis, I eat well and I'm going to join the gym soon.

What incouraged me to finally make this decision was when I called up the neurologist I used to visit before my current doctor. I explained to him I have been on the drugs for more then 2 and half years and I was ready to take a break. I was never dependent on drugs for five years before i started them and I don't want to be on them now. He was the first doctor who said what I wanted to hear. He said it would be fine to stop. It just took a doctor to tell me that and I finally felt I could do it! NO FEAR! That is the most important part. I could get off the drug with complete confidence. With the will of God, I am going to be better then ever before. My body will do its own healing with my support to my immune system. I believe in the miracle of my body and I know it is capable of unraveling my MS.

Results of My CT Scan (Angiography)

2010-01-17T00:53:00.000-08:00

Well I went by the lab and got my results for my ct scan. I was very disappointed to find that everything was normal. I was expecting to find a blockage in the veins in my neck, but according to the results all is normal. I was incredibly let down by the results. It's strange how I felt so let down. I so desperately wanted to find a narrowing of the veins. I sill don't understand how this could be if Zamboni said that all MS patients have this blockage. I will make an appointment soon to see the vascular surgeon about the results. I just wonder why the doctor himself said he saw there was a blockage on the right side of my neck and then the results show that things are normal. There are a lot of unanswered question's. With the will of God, I will get the right answers.

My Quest to Test Zamboni's Findings

2010-01-11T04:28:00.000-08:00

Well I haven't written in a bit over a month and a lot has happened since then. First, my daughter's birthday, my housekeeper left back to her home country and I am awaiting my new housekeeper who is arriving later then I expected. It's been tough on me without the extra help. I feel my sleep has been very disturbed and I have felt very low on energy, but i still feel 2010 is going to be an incredible year! I feel it will be a year of change. So despite my lack of good sleep and energy levels, I am hopeful. When the new housekeeper comes i will settle back into my life and start working on my business again. Right now my life is all about my kids.

At the beginning of the month I went to see my Neurologist about Zamboni's findings. As I had expected, he dismissed it. I sat there while he read the entire article and then he gave me unclear reasons why it didn't make sense. I told him I would see a Vascular surgeon about it and he recommended one to me.

So on December 30, I went to see a Vascular surgeon about Zamboni's findings. I was very excited to see what the doctor had to say. After I explained to him I have MS and showed him the article explaining Zamboni's findings, He found it interesting and checked my neck veins in a machine in his office. He was pretty surprised when he did in fact find that the vein on the right side of my neck was indeed narrowing. He decided to let me take an angio ct scan neck and brain. I did that about a week ago. It was a strange procedure. I had an injection which made my body feel a bit heated at one point and for some reason I was very nervous doing this test. Then i laid down and my brain and neck were put under a machine which did the proper testing. The whole procedure took about 30 minutes and it costed double the cost of the usual MRI. Thank God for insurance! The results should be out in a weeks time. I hope, with the will of God, I am on the path to great health.

Excited About Dr. Zamboni's Findings!

2009-12-04T21:49:00.001-08:00

I was send an attachment about a former Vascular Surgeon in Italy who has found an incredible finding that could halt MS progression and could also help with many of the symptoms. http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20091120/W5_liberation_091121/20091121?s_name=W5

Check this link out to hear the entire story, but basically he believes that MS is actually originally a Vascular disease. He found that in all the MS patients he tested, they all had narrowing, twisting or outright blockage of the veins that are supposed to flush blood from the brain. He checked these veins in healthy people, and found none of these malformations. He also did not find these blockages in those with other neurological conditions.

"Not only was the blood not flowing out of the brain, it was "refluxing" reversing and flowing back upwards. Zamboni believes that as the blood moves into the brain, pressure builds in the veins, forcing blood into the brain's grey matter where it sets off a host of reactions, possibly explaining the symptoms MS."

I have read a lot about Zamboni on the Internet and feel this is it. The most exciting part is that there is actually an easy procedure to open up the veins and let the blood flow freely. I am going to see my neurologist soon so I can get him to give me an MRV (Magnetic Resonance Venography) and a Doppler ultrasound for the neck. I want to see that I have this narrowing that the doctor is talking about. I still believe in diet and lifestyle, but if there is a narrowing, and it can be fixed, that can only make the blood circulation in the body better and in turn making us feel better! With the will of God, this doctor is onto the biggest discovery for curing MS.

New Outlook on Life

2009-10-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I am not doing too well the past few weeks. Feel tired and my legs go heavy at times and my energy levels were not very stable. My mood would get really low at times and as usual I would think of quitting my medication. I would also mention to those loved ones around me that I was tired and not doing well.

I have decided to shift my way of thinking. Number one, I will not think of stopping the medication anymore unless I find my MRI's are getting worse. Because that idea should i or shouldn't I quit has really taken its tole on me. I am too weak to make that decision to quit so I might as well stay on it willingly. I have been on Avonex for more then ten months and I'm going to stick to it. Second of all, I won't complain or mention to people or to myself that I am extremely tired at times, I will take advantage of those moments and just rest and read and learn more from my great books. I must take every event that comes into my life with ease and complete submission, and that is what I am aiming to do. Third of all, I won't let MS get in my way of my dreams in achieving my business. I have been letting MS stop me from working harder and achieving more and I won't let that happen with the will of God. I am reading a book right now called Think and Grow Rich and i feel it's going to make a profound impact on my life.

Business Update

2009-09-15T13:52:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote on my blog. I've come back from my vacation and have been enjoying the summer months and it's almost time for my children to start school again.
My health is good. I have my days when I am more agitated then others, but I am very happy because I have fasted this month of Ramadan. I did not fast the days I take my shots since I feel I need panadol to help with the joint pain. I am very happy that i was at least able to fast most of the month compared to last year. When I was on Rebif it was impossible.
On another note, today I got great feedback about the products that I make for my business. It was very positive and very promising. I know I have a treasure in my hands and with the will of God, I will make a difference in people's lives.

Update Since MRI

2009-06-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated my blog for a while. My MRI went well. The doctor told me that I have no new lesions and that they have all gotten a bit smaller. To me that is great news! If you look back on my blog, almost exactly a year ago some time in July, I said that I would be MS free a year from the time I wrote that message. I am not MS free, but I am on my way to recovery. He of course thinks that the vitamins have nothing to do with it, God only knows, but I am still taking them along with the weekly shots.

My son's operation also went well. We are all in good health and I am now taking a little vacation visiting my family. My business is all set up and ready to go. When I get back to my home I plan on starting to get it going. With the will of God, it will be a success.

Scheduled to do MRI

2009-05-26T23:20:00.000-07:00

Since the last time, I didn't take my shot on time. My body reacted poorly. I felt as if my body got used to the shot. I went back the next day and took my shot. I'm dong well. I just get extreme tension at times especially the day of the injection.
My business is coming along. I'm very hopeful and nervous as well. I pray that I will be able to carry on the business and it will only strengthen me, inside and out.
I am scheduled to do an MRI on Saturday. With the will of God, it will show me that I am on my way to recovery. The next day my son is to do surgery. I'm not worried about it. He has to do a tonsillectomy, adenoidectomy and a right meringotomy. They are all simple procedures and I think it will clear up any of the problems he has with the ear, nose, and throat with the will of God.

Extreme Tension

2009-05-17T10:35:00.000-07:00

I feel extreme tension build up. I feel it in my head. Everything bothers me and gets to me. I feel extremely fragile today. I can't take it anymore. I feel maybe I really need to do something about it. I overreact to everything more then ever. I need to just relax. I think I will stop taking the shots for a little bit and see how I feel. With the will of God, I will make the right decision and stick to it.

Update on My Health

2009-05-12T10:18:00.001-07:00

The test results were all fine. However, I do think I have Candida. Even though the tests don't show it, I know it is not detectable in tests many times. The fact that i had it in my stool test after my operation also indicates that it is present even if now it is not detectable. I am eating well. I take vitamins regularly, and I try to eat as gluten free as possible. I feel alright these days. I'm accomplishing what I set out to do every day and my mood is alright. My business is coming along and I'm very hopeful about its future.

Update after Operation

2009-05-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

Ever since my operation I have felt my stomach is not quite right. I have lost some weight and find it very difficult to put weight on. It's very frustrating. I decided to go to an internal doctor and took some tests and they should be out by tomorrow. Other than that, I have been working on my business idea more and more and it's really coming along. I really feel it is going to be a great success with the will of God, because it is truly coming from my heart.

Just did an Appendectomy

2009-04-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

I just came out of surgery. I removed my appendix. It all happened when I felt a pain on my lower side of my abdomen. I waited for two days before I decided to check it out. I went to an internist who asked me to get an ultrasound. The radiologist was explaining to me that all was clear until he arrived at my appendix. He said it was infected and the lymph nodes were also infected. He did not say directly that it needed to be removed but he said for me to go back to my doctor. I went back to the internist who then said he thinks It should be removed but that I should go and see the surgeon first.
The surgeon who I was supposed to see was in the operating room so i saw another surgeon who when he first saw me said it doesn't look like i have an appendix problem since I was not in obvious pain, but after examining me and realzing that i had pain in the area of the appendix he said he would schedule me to do the operation that very day. I went along with what was happening so far. I got to my hospital room and my loved owned were with me when the actual surgeon comes in and says that I didn't look like I needed this operation. He vaguely checks me and prescribes to me some antibiotics and tells me to come back after four days. At this point, I'm really confused!

We decide to go to another hospital for a second opinion. The surgeon who checks me says that from a clinical point of view it is not clear that I am in need of an operation but that I have to do another ultrasound. When the radiologist examines me he immediately says that I do have to do the surgery because my appendix is pretty badly infected. At that point I am pretty convinced that I have to do the surgery. I went back to the surgeons office and he admitted me into the hospital for surgery that night. I got settled in the room and then the surgeon comes in and says that the they decided it would be better to operate in the morning because the staff will be more available if there is any kind of an emergency. The anesthesiologist recommended that idea I think mainly because I have MS. I wasn't to sure of all of that but just went with it.

I didn't' sleep much that night and in the morning at around 9:00 I did my operation. I only remember laying down on the operating table, the anesthesiologist telling me he was putting the drug in my body and then I woke up to the doctor saying my name. The first thing I thought was that I was choking and I barely had any energy to say "I can't breath." They gave me a breathing mask and after a little while I recovered. I felt that way because it turns out they had a tube down my throat which was removed and my throat felt really clogged and uncomfortable.

Anyway, I am back home now. I spent two nights in the hospital and left on the third night. My body feels pretty weak but getting better. I not only have pain in the area of the operation but severe shoulder pain. Both shoulders but mainly the right shoulder. It turns out that's a side effect of the operation. It's great to be home and back in the world of life and movement. It feels great to be with my family! I love life. I love to be alive and moving and healthy. I pray that I will have only gained more strength to live life to the fullest after this incident in my life. I am very grateful for everything and during the whole time I knew that I was going to be fine because I kept talking to God and saying "God I don't know, only you know, guide me."

Feeling Stable

2009-03-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

I've almost finished another month on Avonex and things are ok. I'm tolerating the medication fine. I do have to take a few panadol the day of the shot and feel physically more tired the day after, my mood is also quite low at that time, but other then that, I'm fine. I only take the essential vitamins and not the full does. I want to start to take the full dosage which is 8 pills a day, plus add on some of the other vitamins. I am working on my business idea and I'm very excited about it. I know it will be amazing and lead me to exciting possibilities, always with the will of God.

Confusion

2009-03-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

Since the last time I wrote, I started to feel that maybe I should go back on the medication. I felt good, slept better, but started to feel a bit insecure about being off. It's strange, as much as I'd like to stay off, maybe its not just the right time now. I mean the main real side effect I felt was mood disturbance. I started to feel that I needed to give the medication more time. I went back to my Neuro and he thought it was a wise idea for me to go back on. I got myself another box and it's sitting there in the fridge waiting for me. I will take my shot tomorrow. With the will of God, I am making the right decision. I always pray and tell God, "only you know, guide me on the right path." I will still remain healthy and make wise decisions.

Sleeping Better

2009-03-01T21:40:00.001-08:00

I am sleeping better these days. Still not a deep sleep from start to finish but getting there. My mood is good and consistent. Feeling more confident about stopping the medication. With the will of God, by the end of the month I will make the right decision.

Cancelled the MRI

2009-02-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

After reading about the harmful effects an MRI could have on a person, I decided to cancel it and do it after another six months. I did one six months ago and I don't have any new physical complaints so I realized it wasn't necessary to do one now. My Neuro wasn't even the one who suggested it to me, I told him I wanted to do one even though he probably didn't think it was necessary.
I realized to much knowledge can also be very crippling and make a person very indecisive. I'm just going to lay low and just put my trust in God. I have been very worried lately. Questioning if my stopping avonex was a good idea. I mean I have only missed one shot which was five days ago, and I feel I have been having insomnia. I thought maybe it was a side effect of stopping the medication. I called my Neuro and he of course said, it was probably just me being over worried. For now, I'm not going to think any further about the topic and i'm goign to go to sleep.

Off Avonex

2009-02-17T02:03:00.001-08:00

I went to see my doctor. I told him I felt the medication was effecting my mood, so he said I can take a month break from the medication to see if its from MS or the Avonex. I am going to take an MRI as well and see how things are going. With the will of God, I am improving and being off the medication means I will have more energy to live my life to the fullest. Today I am going back to Yoga!

Making a Commitment

2009-02-12T05:24:00.000-08:00

I have had it with the way I feel depleted of energy these days. My arms and legs are weak. I have a low mood low everything. I don't believe the medication is doing me justice. I want to stop now. I will go and see my doctor and tell him my plans to take a break from the meds. I will then focus on life! I will focus on health! I will have energy to do that! I believe in my heart its the right thing to do with the will of God I will stick to my decision.

Inspired By Nick Vujicic

2009-02-04T21:33:00.001-08:00

This morning I woke up and got a forward from a friend. I opened it up to read an inspirational speech from a 25 year old man who was born without limbs. No arms and no legs! I watched his youtube speech and was in awe of his incredible strength and adorable personality. He has a great sense of humor! Despite the challenge of living in a society where different is not always tolerated, he overcame all odds inspiring others to see that God can help you overcome anything. God bless Nick Vujicic and his message.

Back from a small Holiday

2009-01-27T19:20:00.000-08:00

I went to visit my family and the weather was very cold. It was a good change but physically I felt I got tired because I didn't sleep well. My children woke me up a lot. Sleep is so important in my life and it is also something that can get disrupted very easily. Both my children injured them selves the nine days I was visiting my family. My son fell on his face on the pavement and got bad cuts and bruises and my daughter hit her forehead on the corner of the coffee table. She had to get two stitches. Those two incidents were very scary. I get hysterical. I can not handle such things. I pray to God my children will always be healthy and I will be strong for them. Unfortunately I am not strong. I can not help it. I lose my mind. Please forgive me God and help me be strong for my children.

New Year Update

2009-01-04T10:32:00.000-08:00

It's a new year and a new beginning. I feel this will be a great year in my life. I plan on focusing a lot of my time on a new business idea. I want to dedicate my time and passion to this idea and I want to give a piece of me to this world. With the will of God I wont lose focus.

My health is stable thanks to God. I take my Avonex once a week. I eat well, but still don't eat the way I'd like. I still eat white rice and white bread occasionally. I try to stick to spelt bread if i have it. I have not been going to Yoga for the past few weeks and I want to go back to going at least twice a week. My mood has been alright but I still feel I can be extremely irritable at times, but I'd rather not focus on that. I pray this year will be great for me physically, spiritually, mentally and financially.

Reminder of Death

2008-12-10T06:01:00.000-08:00

A relative of my husband died a few days ago and it reminded me how strange life really is. Death will happen to everyone, but no one really takes the time out to think about it and its implications. The relative who died was relatively young and suffered the last few years of her life due to cancer,leaving three great children and a husband. They were all her support and were very strong for her till the very end. They accepted her death saying she is now in a better place where she is not suffering. For she suffered a lot and they wanted her to be at peace.
The question we should all ask our self is, "What do we want to leave behind when we leave this space in time?" I want to leave a legacy for my children and the world. I want to have a global impact on people in a positive way. I want to be remembered as a person who preached greatness and who lived a full vibrant successful life. I want to be remembered as the mother who loved and cherished her children more then anything in this world, the wife who was devout supportive and caring, the sister who was supportive and loving, the child who was grateful, loving and appreciative and the Muslim who was dedicated, loyal and deeply thankful to God.

Extremely Agitated

2008-12-10T05:13:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling extremely agitated lately. Especially the day I take the injection and a few days after. I'm extremely agitated and moody. I hate it. I really do feel the medication is causing my extreme mood swings, or at least adding to them. I want to discuss this with my doctor on my next visit.

Canker Sores

2008-11-24T22:28:00.000-08:00

I have these awful canker sores in my mouth. Canker sores aer shallow, painful sores in the mouth. They can appear on inside of lips, cheeks, on the base of gums or under the tongue. I have one under my tongue and the other deep down in my mouth. They are painful, especially when I want to eat. Doctors don't know exactly what causes them, but they may be triggered by stress, poor nutrition, food allergies and menstrual periods. I have had canker sores come every few months lately.

I went to see my doctor and did liver function test and full blood work and all is well except I have a little iron deficiency. It's not very low but I need to take supplements. I will take some iron pills and hopefully that will boost my levels. Right now is also a little bit of a stressful time financially but I am trying to remain positive and not let it dominate me. I know for a fact that I can't afford to feel down.

Feeling Good

2008-11-18T23:47:00.000-08:00

Well things are good these days. I am drinking my green drink every morning. It's been about five days now. I don't mind the taste that much. It's not tasty, but it definitely feels healthy. I go to an amazing yoga class once or twice a week. I am eating well. I am taking my vitamins. The essentials plus a grape seed extract. Five in the morning and four in the evening. I skipped a few evenings though. Once I feel confident enough about my body adjusting to them I will slowly work up to the recommended dose. Hopefully I'm on the right track.

Downside to the Meds

2008-11-15T00:13:00.001-08:00

I am extremely agitated lately. I find that I'm losing my cool at the littlest things. I feel it could definitely be from the medication. Today I promised myself I will try to do everything in my might to have more control. Deep down, I feel I need to get off the meds. Even though I don't feel any physical discomfort from Avonex, I'm starting to feel mental discomfort. I will give it more time and see. I have an appointment with my Neuro to take blood tests and schedule an MRI. Time will tell what my next step will be.
As for my diet and vitamins, I am only taking a few vitamins a day. I'm a little confused about the vitamins I'm taking. I noticed there was soy in them and that makes me wonder if there is gluten. I am going to ask to find out. As for my diet, its alright. I am trying to gain weight. I am always trying to gain weight and it is very difficult, however i have now started to really focus on my food. The trick is to stick to the healthy food and gain healthy weight. I have decided to drink daily a vegetable juice first thing in the morning. It consists of:
2 stalks celery
half a carrot
half an apple
a handful of spinach
a piece of garlic or ginger

It's actually not that bad:) I am dedicated to my health, weight gain, a positive attitude and a calm nature. With the will of God I am on my way to recovery.

My New Vitamin Regiment

2008-11-09T23:21:00.000-08:00

My vitamins arrived Thursday night and I started taking them on Friday. I am only using USANA vitamins as the doctor recommended. Friday morning during breakfast I took the recommended vitamins and immediate felt tired and weak. I decided not to take any more that day. The next day I took half the recommended vitamins and spread them throughout the day. I have been only taking half and so far so good. I got a little red rash like circle on my face at night I noticed it then the next morning it went away. It could be a reaction to the vitamins. I'm letting my body get used to the vitamins slowly. The recommended vitamins I need to take are:

Essentials (Mega Antioxidant tablet 2 in the AM and 2 in the PM and their Chelated Mineral tablet (2 in the AM and 2 in the PM). This provides the cellular nutrition the doctor recommends. He also recommended 2 of their fish oil capsules daily called Biomega 3, 4 of their Proflavanol 90 daily (this is their grape seed extract), 4 of their Active Calcium daily, along with 2 of their Coquinone 30 daily (this is their highly absorbable CoQ10, which is equal to 100 mg of powder form).

That is a lot of vitamins, twenty a day to be exact. With the will of God, I pray my immune system will be restored.

First day on Aggressive Vitamin Regiment

2008-11-05T23:41:00.000-08:00

I received my package from the US last night and this morning I started my vitamin regiment. It's a lot of vitamins that I have to take daily, but I have complete faith in the doctor that prescribed them to me. With the will of God, I believe I am on the right path to recovery.

One week on Avonex

2008-11-02T04:16:00.000-08:00

I just took my second dose today and so far I'm much happier on this medication then Rebif. I don't have to inject myself three times a week and feel extremely weak most of the time. With Avonex its really just the day of the injection that i have set backs and the rest of the week is fine. I feel my life is so much better. I feel better. When i wonder why i didn't' stop Rebif earlier i just think to myself because everything is as it should be. If i didn't take Rebif then i wouldn't have suffered which in turn led me to seek alternative medication and seek out a doctor who has prescribed to me a vitamin regime which i will start once I receive them in a few days. However, if anybody asks me Rebif or Avonex definitely i would say Avonex. It is easier to tolerate, and i believe more practical.

First day on Avonex

2008-10-26T09:31:00.000-07:00

I went to the hospital today at 11:00 in the morning to take my first dose of Avonex. At first I was nervous, starting a new medication and a bigger needle, but thank God it wasn't painful and it was quick. I left the hospital hopeful. I took two panadols to make sure I wasn't going to feel the pain to much. I did my daily activities but started to feel tired around 3:00. I took another two panadols. Things were ok but by 6:30 it hit me. I felt complete physical weakness. I could barely find enough energy to lift my arms and legs. I laid down on the bed for about an hour strongly aware of my heart beat, while my body was completely sucked of energy. After about an hour and half I felt the weakness wear off and so I got on the computer to write this update. I pray this will be the only day I will feel side effects of the medication.

Making Healthy Choices

2008-10-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

I have decided to stop eating white carbohydrates and switch to brown. White is processed food which causes oxidative stress, the underlying cause of many diseases. I am trying to cut it out of my daily food intake. I am now eating brown rice, which is not bad at all, natural bread, or spelt bread and mainly Rye bread, which I am really learning to love. They are wholesome and I actually get full faster. I have also started to use brown natural cane sugar instead of the processed white sugar. I have stopped using the microwave as well. I pray I will stick to these decisions.

Changing to Avonex

2008-10-17T04:28:00.000-07:00

I went to see my Neurologist and he told me that I should go on Avonex since I definately didn't tolerate Ribif well. Avonex is injected once a week instead of the Rebif three times a week. However, it is a longer injection that will go into the muscle. I'm not thrilled by the idea but i will go on it confidently.
I still in my heart don't believe medication will get to the root of the problem like the vitamins, but I will take it while at the same time taking my nutritional supplements that I have been recommended from a doctor. I still have not received them yet. I will take both the medication and my vitamins and then when I do my MRI and see my lesions decreasing then I will know its not the medication but the vitamins.

Feeling Alive Again

2008-10-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

I just came back from a yoga workout and I feel great. I feel I did something absolutely essential for my recovery. I realized how stiff my body is and how much work I have to do to get my flexibility and balance up to par. I am committed more then ever to have exercise as a big part of my life. Now that I have my energy back I feel I can do it. The nine months I was on the medication I was depleted of any energy I originally had and never could work up energy to go to the gym.
I am planning on going back to the neurologists office at the end of this week so we can discuss my case. I really in my heart don't feel medication is the answer for me. I feel I will improve dramatically now that I have experienced the dark side of the medication. Those nine months of sever muscle and joint pain, overall weakness, made me realize more the ever how much I want to heal. I am dedicated to my health.
I have contacted a doctor whom I feel will aid me to recovery. He has prescribed to me a list of high quality vitamins which I will start as soon as I receive them. For now I am sticking to the vitamins I have listed. With the will of God, I believe in my heart I'm on the right path.

Going off the Medication

2008-10-12T00:41:00.000-07:00

I have decided to take a break from my medication. I will try a one week period and see how my body feels. I discussed it with my doctor and he finally agreed. Right now my body feels broken. Every muscle and join in my body is aching. I really don't want to live like that anymore. I pray and hope I will bounce back after I stop the medication. In my heart I feel that once I stop things will get better and I will start to recover and heal, with the will of God always.

Update

2008-10-05T23:22:00.001-07:00

I'm alright these days. Still take panadol the days of my medicine. I am trying to take as minimal as I can but sometimes I just can't tolerate the overall body weakness. I am positive though. Despite the feeling that i'm dragging myself through life, I am trying to lead a normal life and not let my body get the better of me. I am taking my vitamins, doing yoga, trying to eat as well as I can and pray these vitamins are going to strengthen my immune system.

Sticking to the Medicine

2008-09-21T00:30:00.000-07:00

After seeing the last doctor, I have decided that I have to stop trying to get off the medication, but just live with it. If I do a few MRI's and the lesions are getting smaller and less frequent then the medicine is worth the pain. I will remain my alternative life style plus the medicine. I am planning on adding more vitamins in my daily plan.

European Neurologist

2008-09-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I have a consultation with A European Neurologist. This will be the first European doctor I see. I feel it is important to get another perspective on MS and I hear that European doctors are more familiar with MS then most. I want him to review my case carefully, taking into consideration that I have been on the medication for seven months yet unsure if it is the right thing for me. I pray he will give me more insight, guiding me in the right direction to healing myself.

Searching for the Answer

2008-09-11T01:00:00.000-07:00

I have been contemplating stopping my medication for some time. My body does not react well to it. I just don't feel that taking pain killers every day is the right solution. That can't be good for me! I have almost all of the side effects. Aches and pains, injection site itching and redness and what topped it off was a few nights ago I had lower abdominal pain, which is also a symptom. I laid down in bed exhausted and all of a sudden I felt uncontrollable tremors. I was shivering and couldn't stop for about an hour or so. After the shivering subsided I just lay weak. I felt it was from the medication. My body just couldn't tolerate the achy pain anymore and that's what happened. I called my Neurologist in the morning. He told me it could have been something else not everything is related to MS so I should go see an internist. I did just that and after six hours in the hospital and having done all kinds of tests, everything was normal. I did an ultra sound and blood tests and they found everything was normal. In my gut I know its my body reacting to the medication. I told myself maybe it was a virus or something since i had a slight fever that night but I'm not convinced. I have to find an answer. Is this medication really helping me. I just want to know what it feels like to be medication free so i can decide. I feel I wont start healing until I stop the medication. It might be stopping the progression for the time being, but its not helping me heal and I do believe I can heal.

Last night before I went to bed I prayed to God, if this medication is good for me let me stay on it and make me feel good about it, if this medication is bad for me, help me stop it with confidence. This morning I woke up and called a big hospital in the country that is associated with Johns Hopkins and I am trying to make an appointment with a European doctor. Maybe he will show me the way. I also got a reply email from one of the authors of the books I read and she said the choice was mine, but she gave me advice on what strategy i should take if i stop the medication. Maybe that too is a sign that stopping for a while wont hurt. I just need to hear that from a doctor. I am in God's hands and I will wait for the right moment to decide but for now I will not take the full dose of the medication. Today I will take only half.

The Miracle of a Shower

2008-08-31T06:10:00.000-07:00

I wake up feeling very soar in the mornings. Every muscle and joint in my body aches with pain. I just feel crushed. I have felt this overall feeling since I started my medication in February, but I stick to the medication since I know its not the right time to stop it. What usually jolts me back into energy is a good cold shower in the morning. It really uplifts my mood and gives me a lot more energy.

Reiki

2008-08-14T23:20:00.000-07:00

Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation which promotes healing. It is administered by "laying on hands" and is based on the idea that an unseen "life force energy" flows through us causing us to be alive. If a persons "life force energy" is low, then we are more likely to get sick or feel stress, and if it is high, we are more capable of being happy and healthy.

The word Reiki consists of two Japanese words - Rei meaning "God's Wisdom or the Higher Power" and Ki meaning "life force energy". So Reiki is actually "spiritually guided life force energy."

In the past few years I have been interested in alternative healing and one of my interests was Reiki. I decided I wanted to try it so I called up a women I read about on the internet who has years of experience healing people. My mother came with me and we took a cab trying to find her place. After getting lost of a while we finally found her house.

The "reiki master" ansked my mom to wait while I had a 45 minute healing session. She took me to her "healing room" so we could begin. She had another lady with her who would assist her. The room had symbols of all religions and she said that all religions are coming form the same source the One God and that is where the healing energy comes from. I laid down and for the session both ladies laid their hands on certain parts of my body each time for about three minutes. I felt heat in many parts mainly my head and neck and shoulder area. There was relaxing music playing during the session and it was overall very relaxing, kind of like a massage.

After the session the lady told me that I may feel really energetic or tired and want to sleep, every one reacts differently. I felt fine, maybe a bit energized. After we finished I went to find my mom sitting in the ladies salon waiting for me. We all sat down for a while. I never told the lady I have MS. I wanted her to tell me what she felt, however, she didn't say much. She just said that she felt that there was more heat in the head and ear region. She said for me not to be worried. She said she can only say where she feels there could be problems. I decided to tell her that I have MS. I told her that I was interested in alternative healing because I have Multiple Sclerosis, she jumped saying that she knew! She said she didn't want to tell me to worry me, but she knew because a certain man told her. She showed me a book of a Shaikh in Sudan. I found all this very strange. She said I was going to heal myself. I didn't take what the lady said too seriously, but I do believe that I will heal myself with the will of God.

Visit to another Neurologist

2008-08-05T23:54:00.000-07:00

I am on vacation now, visiting my family. I heard there was a good doctor that is very experienced with MS so I decided to open a file here as well.

The doctor seemed very well informed about the latest drugs and was very optimistic about the future of drugs for MS. He asked me to do a complete blood work and take a few tests such as vitamin D and B12 . I did them all and thank God all my results were great. My hemoglobin is a little low but overall I'm doing well. I asked the doctor about food and like all the neurologists I've seen, he does not believe food has anything to do with MS. That was disapointing. I still do believe a healthy diet is essential for MS despite what the doctors say. I am going to see the doctor to discuss my test results when he gets back from a business trip in a few days.

Visit to the Neurologist

2008-07-16T10:32:00.001-07:00

I went to my Neurologist yesterday and I got a few months supply for my medication. Yes, I am still taking it and I have decided to take it willingly without worry until I do my next MRI and I notice that I am healing, with the will of God.

My doctor believes that I should take the medication and not stop. I asked him what would happen if I stopped the medication for a while and he told me that with his twenty some years of experience, those who were on the medication were doing better then those off of medication. He said that if I stopped the medication I would get worse faster and that if I went back on it, it would not have the same effect as it would before. My doctor also doesn't believe that food has any effect on MS. This bothers me. I believe in alternative healing and I feel I still havent' found the right doctor which believes in both the medical world and the alternative healing. I am sure I will eventually.

I'm really not sure what to make of all of the doctors comments. I would like to know if those off of medication were taking vitamins and exercising and living a healthy lifestyle and still getting worse. There is so much I would like to know about other people living with MS. Maybe this website will help me learn more about the disease and help me heal faster. I believe "if there's a will, there's a way," with that in mind, I know I can only get better with the will of God always.

Difficulty taking the Medicine

2008-07-06T00:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but taking the shots the last few times has been more difficult. They are painful and I am losing my nerve to give them to myself. Is it a sign that it's time to stop or is it my mind causing it to be more difficult. I really don't know. I am searching for answers so I know they will come.

Declaration to be MS Free

2008-07-05T02:29:00.000-07:00

I declare today, July 5, 2008, that I will become MS free one year from now. My lesions will heal and I will regain my strength with the will of God.

My Last Relapse

2008-07-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

I remained relapse free for five years. I stuck to a low fat diet and didn't eat much dairy and red meat. During those five years, I had two miscarriages and I had two perfectly healthy children which I love more then life itself. I also moved to a new home twice. The year before my last relapse was tough. I gave birth to my daughter then moved to a larger house. I have a helper which I am very lucky to have so it was easier for me then most, but nevertheless, my husband was having issues with work and it all piled up. I over did it.

My legs started to get pins and needles. The numbness lasted for more then a month and it also would come in my arms at times. I also felt extremely weak. My legs were weaker then ever. I could barely find the energy to get out of bed. Emotionally I was unstable and I started to think that maybe I should go on a medication. I never wanted to. As I mentioned before I felt, and still do feel, medication is not the answer. However, I started to see all the neurologists of the major hospitals in my area. I had a neurologist but my family felt he was not aggressive enough. He did not recommend I go on medication since I had my relapse after five years and he felt I would bounce back.

My family insisted I should be on medication because all the doctors in their area say that I should be on something. Finally, my current neurologist put me on Rebif, even though I really in my heart felt it was not the answer. I know the awful side effects of the medications for MS and I just felt I could get myself back into perfect health on my own with more research and dedication. I was reading a book at the time, "What your doctor doesn't know about nutritional medication could be killing you," and I started to take more supplements. Before I started the Rebif I recovered fully. I still would have the underlying fatigue if I didn't sleep well, but the numbness was gone. From barely being able to lift my body, I was up and moving again. Yet, despite my hesitation to take the medication my family and the doctor insist I take it. I decided at the end I would try it. I guess I got scared.

I have been on Rebif now for a tough six months. I take the medication three times a week and the days I take it I can get very tired and weak and my body can ache severely for a few hours. If I take panadol a few times a day things are much better, but I really don't want to rely on pain killers for the rest of my life. Therefore, I try not to take the panadol unless I really need something to help me cope with the pain. I also worry that the panadol can cause more harm to my liver, since the medication is already putting the liver at risk.

Overall, I feel worse on the medication. The doctor says things will get easier with time, who knows. In the mean time, I feel the medication does more harm to my body then good. The days I take the medication, after I take it about four hours later the weakness hits me for a few hours then I just feel tired. The next day is better because I am medication free but I still feel achy. Then the whole thing starts again the next day. The only days i really feel kind of normal are Friday and Saturday. The two days in a row I don't take the medication.

I never felt the heaviness of MS until I started treating it. I felt pretty normal before. Normal but with the underlying fatigue. I plan on taking an MRI soon and I pray to find less lesions. I don't plan to be on this medication forever. I want to know if what i am feeling is MS and or Rebif. Right now I feel its all Rebif symptoms which are making my life difficult. I plan to see the Neurologist soon to discuss maybe taking a break. I doubt he will like that, but we will see.

Why Write a Blog about MS now?

2008-07-03T09:38:00.001-07:00

It is true, I have had MS for more then six years and only now do I share my story. I am a very private person. Only a selected few know that I have MS, and it is still not a common topic of conversation. I don't like to be pittied. I am strong. I have my faith and I don't care for anyone to label me with a disease. I will not let the disease define who I am. I feel not talking about it publicly allows me to control it. I guess I always wanted to share my story and this way is the perfect way I can share freely without feeling vulnerable.

Why "Unraveling" MS?

2008-07-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

I am a person with deep faith in God. I believe God loves me and only wants to teach me lessons to make me a better human being. MS came to me for a reason and what that reason is exactly I will never know, but I do know it will make me stronger and wiser. I also believe that I can achieve perfect health again with dedication and a strong will.

The Time before my Diagnosis

2008-07-02T23:13:00.000-07:00

I started thinking about my life and realized I had been in emotional ups and downs over the years before I was diagnosed. My husband and I met in university and were deeply in love. He graduated two years before me and we got engaged when he graduated. He went to start working and make a life for us while I finished off my college education. Those two years apart were tough because we communicated greatly online and only saw each other twice but our love was strong. I got married after graduation and moved to a new country. I love my husband dearly, but marriage especially the first two years has its ups and downs.

I used to get tired at times and I guess I thought it was normal even though it probably wasn't at the time. I even refused to take a few jobs because I felt I couldn't handle long hours as well as having a house to take care of and to cook. I valued my home life. I settled for a teaching job because the hours were good and the pay at the time was not bad. More then anything I wanted to start a family. That didn't happen easily. After a year of marriage, I became pregnant and was the happiest person in the world. I remember the excitement I felt was indescribable. I thanked God deeply, however, I miscarried six weeks later. It was a tough time emotionally but I got through it and I knew it was for the best. I always remained thankful to God, even at the lowest of times.

A year later, God blessed me with another pregnancy. That was a long year for me because I really wanted a child. During that year I was diagnosed with MS and decided not to take medication, despite the doctors recommendation to start. I also really didn't believe medication was the answer for MS, I felt it was lifestyle and food. I wanted a child more then anything and I knew if I started the medication it would hinder my chances of trying to get pregnant. So I finally did get pregnant and I was once again the happiest person in the world. I was hopeful but cautious because I had a miscarriage before. But with the will of God, I got pregnant. It was tough at first, I had severe morning sickness for five months but it was all worth it when my child was born naturally and completely healthy Thanks to God.

The Time of my Diagnosis

2008-07-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

I was 23 and teaching in a school ,when suddenly I felt dizzy. I was at the black board trying to control the students when it happened. I immediately got someone to take over the class and went to the administrative office to tell them I had to go home and rest. Despite the fact that I explained to them I was dizzy, they were not very pleased that I had to leave because they did not have anybody to take over the class. I was upset and said that was not my problem and left. I went home and laid down in bed and for a few days went back and forth to doctors till I ended up in a neurologists office. He scheduled me for an MRI.

My dizziness subsided and I took the MRI. I asked the technician if everything looked OK and he said he couldn't respond and that I would have to wait to see the doctor. When I went to the car, my husband got a phone call from my family and I felt something was wrong, like he was holding something back. I then got concerned and when he got in the car I asked him and he said everything was fine and that we should wait till we see the doctor.

When we finally went to see the doctor, he explained to me matter of fact that I have Multiple Sclerosis. He explained to me what it was and that it was not severe, explaining what I had was an MS relapse and that they will come and go through the years. He also explained to me that some people have very little relapses in their lifetime. I felt hopeful and kind of relieved because I realized that the excessive tiredness and fatigue that I had felt over the last few years was not normal, but was actually from a neurological disease. I also realized I had a relapse a few months before when I was on vacation visiting my family. One of my eyes became a bit blurry and I went to an eye doctor and he said it was from the change of weather. I went with that and it went away in a few days.

The doctor asked me to do a few more neurological tests over the next few days. I remember those next few days were not pleasant, I was curious about MS. There is a lesson to be learned here. I was strong. I never said "why me." I felt an incredible amount of support from my family and that always helps. My husband bought me my first book about MS and I read it in two days. After that, I started to read as many books as I could on the subject.

Now that I think about it, MS came as a relief. I was not happy with my teaching job, the children in the classes were misbehaved and hard to control and the school expected a teacher to control 3o some children in a class with different level backgrounds in English and the pressure was all on the teacher. I totally disagreed with it and the stress took its toll on me. Most teachers had to yell to control the students and it was just exhausting. I immediately quit my job and stayed at home and read a lot about MS. I changed my diet to a low fat diet and just took it easy.