Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sticking to the Medicine

After seeing the last doctor, I have decided that I have to stop trying to get off the medication, but just live with it. If I do a few MRI's and the lesions are getting smaller and less frequent then the medicine is worth the pain. I will remain my alternative life style plus the medicine. I am planning on adding more vitamins in my daily plan.

Monday, September 15, 2008

European Neurologist

Tomorrow I have a consultation with A European Neurologist. This will be the first European doctor I see. I feel it is important to get another perspective on MS and I hear that European doctors are more familiar with MS then most. I want him to review my case carefully, taking into consideration that I have been on the medication for seven months yet unsure if it is the right thing for me. I pray he will give me more insight, guiding me in the right direction to healing myself.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Searching for the Answer

I have been contemplating stopping my medication for some time. My body does not react well to it. I just don't feel that taking pain killers every day is the right solution. That can't be good for me! I have almost all of the side effects. Aches and pains, injection site itching and redness and what topped it off was a few nights ago I had lower abdominal pain, which is also a symptom. I laid down in bed exhausted and all of a sudden I felt uncontrollable tremors. I was shivering and couldn't stop for about an hour or so. After the shivering subsided I just lay weak. I felt it was from the medication. My body just couldn't tolerate the achy pain anymore and that's what happened. I called my Neurologist in the morning. He told me it could have been something else not everything is related to MS so I should go see an internist. I did just that and after six hours in the hospital and having done all kinds of tests, everything was normal. I did an ultra sound and blood tests and they found everything was normal. In my gut I know its my body reacting to the medication. I told myself maybe it was a virus or something since i had a slight fever that night but I'm not convinced. I have to find an answer. Is this medication really helping me. I just want to know what it feels like to be medication free so i can decide. I feel I wont start healing until I stop the medication. It might be stopping the progression for the time being, but its not helping me heal and I do believe I can heal.

Last night before I went to bed I prayed to God, if this medication is good for me let me stay on it and make me feel good about it, if this medication is bad for me, help me stop it with confidence. This morning I woke up and called a big hospital in the country that is associated with Johns Hopkins and I am trying to make an appointment with a European doctor. Maybe he will show me the way. I also got a reply email from one of the authors of the books I read and she said the choice was mine, but she gave me advice on what strategy i should take if i stop the medication. Maybe that too is a sign that stopping for a while wont hurt. I just need to hear that from a doctor. I am in God's hands and I will wait for the right moment to decide but for now I will not take the full dose of the medication. Today I will take only half.