Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Visit to the Neurologist

I went to my Neurologist yesterday and I got a few months supply for my medication. Yes, I am still taking it and I have decided to take it willingly without worry until I do my next MRI and I notice that I am healing, with the will of God.

My doctor believes that I should take the medication and not stop. I asked him what would happen if I stopped the medication for a while and he told me that with his twenty some years of experience, those who were on the medication were doing better then those off of medication. He said that if I stopped the medication I would get worse faster and that if I went back on it, it would not have the same effect as it would before. My doctor also doesn't believe that food has any effect on MS. This bothers me. I believe in alternative healing and I feel I still havent' found the right doctor which believes in both the medical world and the alternative healing. I am sure I will eventually.

I'm really not sure what to make of all of the doctors comments. I would like to know if those off of medication were taking vitamins and exercising and living a healthy lifestyle and still getting worse. There is so much I would like to know about other people living with MS. Maybe this website will help me learn more about the disease and help me heal faster. I believe "if there's a will, there's a way," with that in mind, I know I can only get better with the will of God always.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Difficulty taking the Medicine

I don't know why, but taking the shots the last few times has been more difficult. They are painful and I am losing my nerve to give them to myself. Is it a sign that it's time to stop or is it my mind causing it to be more difficult. I really don't know. I am searching for answers so I know they will come.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Declaration to be MS Free

I declare today, July 5, 2008, that I will become MS free one year from now. My lesions will heal and I will regain my strength with the will of God.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

My Last Relapse

I remained relapse free for five years. I stuck to a low fat diet and didn't eat much dairy and red meat. During those five years, I had two miscarriages and I had two perfectly healthy children which I love more then life itself. I also moved to a new home twice. The year before my last relapse was tough. I gave birth to my daughter then moved to a larger house. I have a helper which I am very lucky to have so it was easier for me then most, but nevertheless, my husband was having issues with work and it all piled up. I over did it.

My legs started to get pins and needles. The numbness lasted for more then a month and it also would come in my arms at times. I also felt extremely weak. My legs were weaker then ever. I could barely find the energy to get out of bed. Emotionally I was unstable and I started to think that maybe I should go on a medication. I never wanted to. As I mentioned before I felt, and still do feel, medication is not the answer. However, I started to see all the neurologists of the major hospitals in my area. I had a neurologist but my family felt he was not aggressive enough. He did not recommend I go on medication since I had my relapse after five years and he felt I would bounce back.

My family insisted I should be on medication because all the doctors in their area say that I should be on something. Finally, my current neurologist put me on Rebif, even though I really in my heart felt it was not the answer. I know the awful side effects of the medications for MS and I just felt I could get myself back into perfect health on my own with more research and dedication. I was reading a book at the time, "What your doctor doesn't know about nutritional medication could be killing you," and I started to take more supplements. Before I started the Rebif I recovered fully. I still would have the underlying fatigue if I didn't sleep well, but the numbness was gone. From barely being able to lift my body, I was up and moving again. Yet, despite my hesitation to take the medication my family and the doctor insist I take it. I decided at the end I would try it. I guess I got scared.

I have been on Rebif now for a tough six months. I take the medication three times a week and the days I take it I can get very tired and weak and my body can ache severely for a few hours. If I take panadol a few times a day things are much better, but I really don't want to rely on pain killers for the rest of my life. Therefore, I try not to take the panadol unless I really need something to help me cope with the pain. I also worry that the panadol can cause more harm to my liver, since the medication is already putting the liver at risk.

Overall, I feel worse on the medication. The doctor says things will get easier with time, who knows. In the mean time, I feel the medication does more harm to my body then good. The days I take the medication, after I take it about four hours later the weakness hits me for a few hours then I just feel tired. The next day is better because I am medication free but I still feel achy. Then the whole thing starts again the next day. The only days i really feel kind of normal are Friday and Saturday. The two days in a row I don't take the medication.

I never felt the heaviness of MS until I started treating it. I felt pretty normal before. Normal but with the underlying fatigue. I plan on taking an MRI soon and I pray to find less lesions. I don't plan to be on this medication forever. I want to know if what i am feeling is MS and or Rebif. Right now I feel its all Rebif symptoms which are making my life difficult. I plan to see the Neurologist soon to discuss maybe taking a break. I doubt he will like that, but we will see.

Why Write a Blog about MS now?

It is true, I have had MS for more then six years and only now do I share my story. I am a very private person. Only a selected few know that I have MS, and it is still not a common topic of conversation. I don't like to be pittied. I am strong. I have my faith and I don't care for anyone to label me with a disease. I will not let the disease define who I am. I feel not talking about it publicly allows me to control it. I guess I always wanted to share my story and this way is the perfect way I can share freely without feeling vulnerable.

Why "Unraveling" MS?

I am a person with deep faith in God. I believe God loves me and only wants to teach me lessons to make me a better human being. MS came to me for a reason and what that reason is exactly I will never know, but I do know it will make me stronger and wiser. I also believe that I can achieve perfect health again with dedication and a strong will.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

The Time before my Diagnosis

I started thinking about my life and realized I had been in emotional ups and downs over the years before I was diagnosed. My husband and I met in university and were deeply in love. He graduated two years before me and we got engaged when he graduated. He went to start working and make a life for us while I finished off my college education. Those two years apart were tough because we communicated greatly online and only saw each other twice but our love was strong. I got married after graduation and moved to a new country. I love my husband dearly, but marriage especially the first two years has its ups and downs.

I used to get tired at times and I guess I thought it was normal even though it probably wasn't at the time. I even refused to take a few jobs because I felt I couldn't handle long hours as well as having a house to take care of and to cook. I valued my home life. I settled for a teaching job because the hours were good and the pay at the time was not bad. More then anything I wanted to start a family. That didn't happen easily. After a year of marriage, I became pregnant and was the happiest person in the world. I remember the excitement I felt was indescribable. I thanked God deeply, however, I miscarried six weeks later. It was a tough time emotionally but I got through it and I knew it was for the best. I always remained thankful to God, even at the lowest of times.

A year later, God blessed me with another pregnancy. That was a long year for me because I really wanted a child. During that year I was diagnosed with MS and decided not to take medication, despite the doctors recommendation to start. I also really didn't believe medication was the answer for MS, I felt it was lifestyle and food. I wanted a child more then anything and I knew if I started the medication it would hinder my chances of trying to get pregnant. So I finally did get pregnant and I was once again the happiest person in the world. I was hopeful but cautious because I had a miscarriage before. But with the will of God, I got pregnant. It was tough at first, I had severe morning sickness for five months but it was all worth it when my child was born naturally and completely healthy Thanks to God.

The Time of my Diagnosis

I was 23 and teaching in a school ,when suddenly I felt dizzy. I was at the black board trying to control the students when it happened. I immediately got someone to take over the class and went to the administrative office to tell them I had to go home and rest. Despite the fact that I explained to them I was dizzy, they were not very pleased that I had to leave because they did not have anybody to take over the class. I was upset and said that was not my problem and left. I went home and laid down in bed and for a few days went back and forth to doctors till I ended up in a neurologists office. He scheduled me for an MRI.

My dizziness subsided and I took the MRI. I asked the technician if everything looked OK and he said he couldn't respond and that I would have to wait to see the doctor. When I went to the car, my husband got a phone call from my family and I felt something was wrong, like he was holding something back. I then got concerned and when he got in the car I asked him and he said everything was fine and that we should wait till we see the doctor.

When we finally went to see the doctor, he explained to me matter of fact that I have Multiple Sclerosis. He explained to me what it was and that it was not severe, explaining what I had was an MS relapse and that they will come and go through the years. He also explained to me that some people have very little relapses in their lifetime. I felt hopeful and kind of relieved because I realized that the excessive tiredness and fatigue that I had felt over the last few years was not normal, but was actually from a neurological disease. I also realized I had a relapse a few months before when I was on vacation visiting my family. One of my eyes became a bit blurry and I went to an eye doctor and he said it was from the change of weather. I went with that and it went away in a few days.

The doctor asked me to do a few more neurological tests over the next few days. I remember those next few days were not pleasant, I was curious about MS. There is a lesson to be learned here. I was strong. I never said "why me." I felt an incredible amount of support from my family and that always helps. My husband bought me my first book about MS and I read it in two days. After that, I started to read as many books as I could on the subject.

Now that I think about it, MS came as a relief. I was not happy with my teaching job, the children in the classes were misbehaved and hard to control and the school expected a teacher to control 3o some children in a class with different level backgrounds in English and the pressure was all on the teacher. I totally disagreed with it and the stress took its toll on me. Most teachers had to yell to control the students and it was just exhausting. I immediately quit my job and stayed at home and read a lot about MS. I changed my diet to a low fat diet and just took it easy.