I went to my Neurologist yesterday and I got a few months supply for my medication. Yes, I am still taking it and I have decided to take it willingly without worry until I do my next MRI and I notice that I am healing, with the will of God.
My doctor believes that I should take the medication and not stop. I asked him what would happen if I stopped the medication for a while and he told me that with his twenty some years of experience, those who were on the medication were doing better then those off of medication. He said that if I stopped the medication I would get worse faster and that if I went back on it, it would not have the same effect as it would before. My doctor also doesn't believe that food has any effect on MS. This bothers me. I believe in alternative healing and I feel I still havent' found the right doctor which believes in both the medical world and the alternative healing. I am sure I will eventually.
I'm really not sure what to make of all of the doctors comments. I would like to know if those off of medication were taking vitamins and exercising and living a healthy lifestyle and still getting worse. There is so much I would like to know about other people living with MS. Maybe this website will help me learn more about the disease and help me heal faster. I believe "if there's a will, there's a way," with that in mind, I know I can only get better with the will of God always.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Difficulty taking the Medicine
I don't know why, but taking the shots the last few times has been more difficult. They are painful and I am losing my nerve to give them to myself. Is it a sign that it's time to stop or is it my mind causing it to be more difficult. I really don't know. I am searching for answers so I know they will come.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Declaration to be MS Free
I declare today, July 5, 2008, that I will become MS free one year from now. My lesions will heal and I will regain my strength with the will of God.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
My Last Relapse
I remained relapse free for five years. I stuck to a low fat diet and didn't eat much dairy and red meat. During those five years, I had two miscarriages and I had two perfectly healthy children which I love more then life itself. I also moved to a new home twice. The year before my last relapse was tough. I gave birth to my daughter then moved to a larger house. I have a helper which I am very lucky to have so it was easier for me then most, but nevertheless, my husband was having issues with work and it all piled up. I over did it.
My legs started to get pins and needles. The numbness lasted for more then a month and it also would come in my arms at times. I also felt extremely weak. My legs were weaker then ever. I could barely find the energy to get out of bed. Emotionally I was unstable and I started to think that maybe I should go on a medication. I never wanted to. As I mentioned before I felt, and still do feel, medication is not the answer. However, I started to see all the neurologists of the major hospitals in my area. I had a neurologist but my family felt he was not aggressive enough. He did not recommend I go on medication since I had my relapse after five years and he felt I would bounce back.
My family insisted I should be on medication because all the doctors in their area say that I should be on something. Finally, my current neurologist put me on Rebif, even though I really in my heart felt it was not the answer. I know the awful side effects of the medications for MS and I just felt I could get myself back into perfect health on my own with more research and dedication. I was reading a book at the time, "What your doctor doesn't know about nutritional medication could be killing you," and I started to take more supplements. Before I started the Rebif I recovered fully. I still would have the underlying fatigue if I didn't sleep well, but the numbness was gone. From barely being able to lift my body, I was up and moving again. Yet, despite my hesitation to take the medication my family and the doctor insist I take it. I decided at the end I would try it. I guess I got scared.
I have been on Rebif now for a tough six months. I take the medication three times a week and the days I take it I can get very tired and weak and my body can ache severely for a few hours. If I take panadol a few times a day things are much better, but I really don't want to rely on pain killers for the rest of my life. Therefore, I try not to take the panadol unless I really need something to help me cope with the pain. I also worry that the panadol can cause more harm to my liver, since the medication is already putting the liver at risk.
Overall, I feel worse on the medication. The doctor says things will get easier with time, who knows. In the mean time, I feel the medication does more harm to my body then good. The days I take the medication, after I take it about four hours later the weakness hits me for a few hours then I just feel tired. The next day is better because I am medication free but I still feel achy. Then the whole thing starts again the next day. The only days i really feel kind of normal are Friday and Saturday. The two days in a row I don't take the medication.
I never felt the heaviness of MS until I started treating it. I felt pretty normal before. Normal but with the underlying fatigue. I plan on taking an MRI soon and I pray to find less lesions. I don't plan to be on this medication forever. I want to know if what i am feeling is MS and or Rebif. Right now I feel its all Rebif symptoms which are making my life difficult. I plan to see the Neurologist soon to discuss maybe taking a break. I doubt he will like that, but we will see.
My legs started to get pins and needles. The numbness lasted for more then a month and it also would come in my arms at times. I also felt extremely weak. My legs were weaker then ever. I could barely find the energy to get out of bed. Emotionally I was unstable and I started to think that maybe I should go on a medication. I never wanted to. As I mentioned before I felt, and still do feel, medication is not the answer. However, I started to see all the neurologists of the major hospitals in my area. I had a neurologist but my family felt he was not aggressive enough. He did not recommend I go on medication since I had my relapse after five years and he felt I would bounce back.
My family insisted I should be on medication because all the doctors in their area say that I should be on something. Finally, my current neurologist put me on Rebif, even though I really in my heart felt it was not the answer. I know the awful side effects of the medications for MS and I just felt I could get myself back into perfect health on my own with more research and dedication. I was reading a book at the time, "What your doctor doesn't know about nutritional medication could be killing you," and I started to take more supplements. Before I started the Rebif I recovered fully. I still would have the underlying fatigue if I didn't sleep well, but the numbness was gone. From barely being able to lift my body, I was up and moving again. Yet, despite my hesitation to take the medication my family and the doctor insist I take it. I decided at the end I would try it. I guess I got scared.
I have been on Rebif now for a tough six months. I take the medication three times a week and the days I take it I can get very tired and weak and my body can ache severely for a few hours. If I take panadol a few times a day things are much better, but I really don't want to rely on pain killers for the rest of my life. Therefore, I try not to take the panadol unless I really need something to help me cope with the pain. I also worry that the panadol can cause more harm to my liver, since the medication is already putting the liver at risk.
Overall, I feel worse on the medication. The doctor says things will get easier with time, who knows. In the mean time, I feel the medication does more harm to my body then good. The days I take the medication, after I take it about four hours later the weakness hits me for a few hours then I just feel tired. The next day is better because I am medication free but I still feel achy. Then the whole thing starts again the next day. The only days i really feel kind of normal are Friday and Saturday. The two days in a row I don't take the medication.
I never felt the heaviness of MS until I started treating it. I felt pretty normal before. Normal but with the underlying fatigue. I plan on taking an MRI soon and I pray to find less lesions. I don't plan to be on this medication forever. I want to know if what i am feeling is MS and or Rebif. Right now I feel its all Rebif symptoms which are making my life difficult. I plan to see the Neurologist soon to discuss maybe taking a break. I doubt he will like that, but we will see.
Why Write a Blog about MS now?
It is true, I have had MS for more then six years and only now do I share my story. I am a very private person. Only a selected few know that I have MS, and it is still not a common topic of conversation. I don't like to be pittied. I am strong. I have my faith and I don't care for anyone to label me with a disease. I will not let the disease define who I am. I feel not talking about it publicly allows me to control it. I guess I always wanted to share my story and this way is the perfect way I can share freely without feeling vulnerable.
Why "Unraveling" MS?
I am a person with deep faith in God. I believe God loves me and only wants to teach me lessons to make me a better human being. MS came to me for a reason and what that reason is exactly I will never know, but I do know it will make me stronger and wiser. I also believe that I can achieve perfect health again with dedication and a strong will.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
The Time before my Diagnosis
I started thinking about my life and realized I had been in emotional ups and downs over the years before I was diagnosed. My husband and I met in university and were deeply in love. He graduated two years before me and we got engaged when he graduated. He went to start working and make a life for us while I finished off my college education. Those two years apart were tough because we communicated greatly online and only saw each other twice but our love was strong. I got married after graduation and moved to a new country. I love my husband dearly, but marriage especially the first two years has its ups and downs.
I used to get tired at times and I guess I thought it was normal even though it probably wasn't at the time. I even refused to take a few jobs because I felt I couldn't handle long hours as well as having a house to take care of and to cook. I valued my home life. I settled for a teaching job because the hours were good and the pay at the time was not bad. More then anything I wanted to start a family. That didn't happen easily. After a year of marriage, I became pregnant and was the happiest person in the world. I remember the excitement I felt was indescribable. I thanked God deeply, however, I miscarried six weeks later. It was a tough time emotionally but I got through it and I knew it was for the best. I always remained thankful to God, even at the lowest of times.
A year later, God blessed me with another pregnancy. That was a long year for me because I really wanted a child. During that year I was diagnosed with MS and decided not to take medication, despite the doctors recommendation to start. I also really didn't believe medication was the answer for MS, I felt it was lifestyle and food. I wanted a child more then anything and I knew if I started the medication it would hinder my chances of trying to get pregnant. So I finally did get pregnant and I was once again the happiest person in the world. I was hopeful but cautious because I had a miscarriage before. But with the will of God, I got pregnant. It was tough at first, I had severe morning sickness for five months but it was all worth it when my child was born naturally and completely healthy Thanks to God.
I used to get tired at times and I guess I thought it was normal even though it probably wasn't at the time. I even refused to take a few jobs because I felt I couldn't handle long hours as well as having a house to take care of and to cook. I valued my home life. I settled for a teaching job because the hours were good and the pay at the time was not bad. More then anything I wanted to start a family. That didn't happen easily. After a year of marriage, I became pregnant and was the happiest person in the world. I remember the excitement I felt was indescribable. I thanked God deeply, however, I miscarried six weeks later. It was a tough time emotionally but I got through it and I knew it was for the best. I always remained thankful to God, even at the lowest of times.
A year later, God blessed me with another pregnancy. That was a long year for me because I really wanted a child. During that year I was diagnosed with MS and decided not to take medication, despite the doctors recommendation to start. I also really didn't believe medication was the answer for MS, I felt it was lifestyle and food. I wanted a child more then anything and I knew if I started the medication it would hinder my chances of trying to get pregnant. So I finally did get pregnant and I was once again the happiest person in the world. I was hopeful but cautious because I had a miscarriage before. But with the will of God, I got pregnant. It was tough at first, I had severe morning sickness for five months but it was all worth it when my child was born naturally and completely healthy Thanks to God.
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